Weekends at Bernie's
Welcome, Adventurers. I am Bernie. The evil Wizard stockbroker. Apparently the realm didn’t like how I was investing the crown’s money, and revolted against me. Too bad! I retreated into the depths of my hidden underground dungeon, underneath Castle Blackmoor.
You seem to be pursuing me. Well good luck. In my years jaunting across the planes of existence I’ve accumulated many monsters, traps, and otherwise nasty things throughout my dungeon. Strangely, I also misplaced a lot of loot and magic weapons and armor. What can I say? I was never that good at tracking my investments.
Anyhow, do me a favor and fill out the “character” tab here, tell me a little bit about yourself, and I’ll see what I can do about obliterating your existence and trapping you inside a subterranean tomb for the rest of eternity.
I’ll also keep track of the loot you’ve plundered from my dungeon here, for no reason at all except to offset my future litigation costs.
And sorry about that whole “divination” magic problem. What can I say, I’ve developed a strong distaste for “eavesdropping” of any kind.